The Christmas Life

Christmas has always been to me about being with family and feeling loved. The accepting people are happy it's the holiday season and have no worries about spending. The unaccepting people like myself find sadness in the commercialized nature of the holidays now. Everyone I've spoken with is poor around this time of the month. I am one of those individuals.

During the holidays, Frodo died. I've been having issues dealing with his death. Ki Sun has been over a few times because he was unable to sleep in his place because of memories of Frodo. He's staying at home this whole week while going to work. He's also walking 90 percent of the time to work and back, so he's healthier than he was a year ago.

I feel like I lost a part of my heart. I feel like it was too soon and I was cheated. I felt like the choice that I made was the best one for the information I had, however I can't help but wonder what would happened if I went through with the procedure and had a clear understanding of what was going on that caused his death. I wanted to know why he had pleural effusion. With the euthanasia, I didn't have that option. I didn't want to pay 2K simply to find out what was wrong. He was suffering and I didn't want him to suffer anymore. I hope Frodo forgives me. I hope he is now happy and not suffering anymore.